Personal Essay, Published in Bella Grace Magazine, Issue 22

Personal essay published in Bella Grace, Issue 22, by Katherine Stevens, 12/2019

My best friend and I have a tradition of wishing each other a “happy first” at the start of each new month. It’s a celebration of a clean slate, a new beginning, and a celebration of the whole ordeal; we made it to another month, through whatever trials we’ve been through in the past four weeks. If April wasn’t fun, then thank God we have May. It’s like getting a New Year’s Day every 30 days. It’s also just a celebration of a little thing – a new month. A chance to try again.

I’ve been going through a season of “fresh starts” over the past few months. I just moved back home, I’m starting the process of publishing my first book, I just started a new position at work, and I just went through a breakup.

Truthfully, there have been some meltdowns. But with each new transition, I feel like I’m coming into a stage of my life where I am the most me I’ve ever been. For this season, I’m adjusting to a new pace of life. I get to breathe for a season, so to speak. I get to create, accomplish lifelong goals, start a new business, and enjoy the lovely weather.

This is a season of rest for me. It is a chance to grow through all of the change that is happening. I have slipped my footing quite a few times already – worrying about moving back home and getting “stuck” in my progress, so to speak, getting frustrated at my family from the mere fact that I am relearning to share space with them again, and working myself into an anxious tizzy at what people will think of this lack of progress in my life.

But here’s the thing I am learning to thrive off of: no one really cares what you’re doing with your life, as long as you’re happy and kind. Sure, there are going to be people who will judge you based off of the picture of a new haircut you post online, but those people aren’t worth your time or even a second thought as you pursue what makes you happy. I know I need this season, and so I will take it.

This doesn’t mean I’m floating, trying to create a cover story for this slow time as I scramble to decide what to do in my next season. (I have done this before – hid my discontent with the present for the simple reason that I felt stuck, like I couldn’t change it. This led to bitter disappointment with my everyday reality instead of being able to enjoy where I was in my life.) I have plans, and I’m still working to accomplish my goals, but I have slow progress, and no set deadlines – savoring the process of learning and researching and creating.

Currently, I am learning to have that same celebratory attitude towards the even more “mundane” days – having a morning off when I work a closing shift so I can sip my coffee and journal. Finishing a book, cooking a whole meal by myself (something to celebrate if you happen to be familiar with some of my cooking attempts), nights cozied up with a favorite tv show and my yarn and needles, like the eighty-year-old woman I am.

So happy first, whatever today is the start of: a new season, a new ritual, a new job, a new project, a new lifestyle, a new attitude, a new habit, or simply a new book.